I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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