I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
