i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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