My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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