erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
