Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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