I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
