Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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