your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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