For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
