Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
