I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize