The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
