I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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