Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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