there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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