So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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