I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
