I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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