I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Is it because I queefed?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
