I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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