I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
