the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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