I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
