Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
