I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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