You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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