i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
