Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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