My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
