So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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