my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
