Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
