Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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