apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
