lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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