using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
