Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
