R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
