I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
