So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
