i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
