Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
