**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
