I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I want to fling myself into the sun
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
