you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
