Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
