Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
