he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
