so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
