she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
